Courtesy

From Coach Dana

I hope you have been enjoying these reflections from Theresa. There are more to come. If you have enjoyed them be sure to put a comment in the comment box and let us know what topics you want more reflections on.

Wishing you all the best,

Coach Dana

********************************************************************************************************

By Theresa Koltes

I remember the days of ladies and gentlemen; of men pulling out chairs for the ladies to seat them at the table, and of them opening car doors for us, or simply saying good morning. I remember the days of courting, flower bouquets, and sincere compliments.

We used to raise our children on fundamentals of chivalry and etiquette and nice things like that.

Actually, I don't remember those days. It wasn't at all that recent and I am not that old. But I do know now that we fight over parking spaces and divorce rights, push to be first in line at the ice cream stand, and pretend we are asleep in our seats when an elderly passenger steps on the bus and has nowhere to sit.

A few weeks ago I was travelling for a business project. We met with the regional manager of the company we were collaborating with and discussed our plans. I don't recall much of the conversation but what I do recall was the way he made us feel. When we shook hands he seemed to be scanning the horizon for wandering birds. When we spoke his eyes were glued to his iPad as if watching “The Greatest Show on Earth”.  We were not impressed. I do not doubt that he has credits to his name and many other qualities that make him a successful business man. But he certainly wasn’t successful with us.

Possibly many of you reading this are thinking, So what? It happens to me all the time.  But just because rudeness is common, is that an excuse for acceptance, or does it shed light on a realization that we have lost courtesy in our culture? The saying is as true as ever that "people may forget what you say, but they will never forget the way you made them feel."

When I hear of broken relationships or stale marriages, I wonder what was the turning point from harmony to animosity. I usually gather the reasons are frightfully similar to one another: We don’t treat each other right.

I once asked a friend of mine what was a time in her life that someone had made her feel special. I was surprised by her reply when she said: “I was in a crowded room during a debate. People were shouting each other down and the cacophony was growing louder by the minute. It didn’t seem anyone was interested in hearing another’s opinion.

“But someone turned to me and kindly asked, ‘So what do you think?’ I can’t recall the debate in detail now, but I can recall how special that stranger had made me feel in that moment.”

Yes, it may seem strangely simple, but the simplest things can sometimes have the biggest effect. If you would like to think and emote and appreciate feeling special, then be special to others. Cause people to feel the way you would like to feel. We tend to respond in the way with which we are treated. So have sympathy for the elderly on the bus. Do the extra to open the door for someone at the supermarket. Then you can experience that warm-and-fuzzy feeling that comes from knowing you made someone feel special.